CIZE of your confidence

So here I am preparing for my new group fitness class in dance: CIZE

It starts next Monday. I know my heart is in it, I feel great when I'm in the middle of doing it, and my mission to help others slim down and gain confidence is always foremost in my mind. With that, I feel less nervous. Anytime you lead with goodness and honesty, you can't go wrong. There's a place for you. There is success and care coming your way because your intentions are based in love and concern. 

Like anyone, I've got those first-time jitters. Wondering will the equipment fail (like my Mac blows up, I forget some rhythm) I guess any of those things could happen, but I'll try to stack the deck against that of course! 

It's funny to remember Shaun T is July, muscular and such a 'large' presence in that auditorium teaching us...class #1...

What a terrific momento to put in your scrap book. Shaun T, so humble and sincere. You want to just reach out and hug the guy - his heart is so big. I remember the music, the original choreography from that day, our breakout groups, people in my class, my assistants...

I'm laughing still because seriously if someone had said to me: "Julie, a year from now you will not be sitting in your corporate office, you will be launching a class, and you will be leading others in a healthy lifestyle .." I don't know. Would I have thought they were on crack? Perhaps! Yea. 

It's been a year of growth in confidence for me. I've overcome so much too. Not that everyday isn't a struggle; my weakness is always my family and my intimate relationships. Somehow I can lead in so many other areas yet get all snared in the love twist. I guess that's the part I am still trying to unearth and refine. 

Always a work in progress. 

Memory Board & My Single Days

Tonight I posted about a board I have in my house, well actually it was more like the attic, because unfortunately I have moved dozens of times in the last 8 years and this poor thing keeps getting packed and unpacked - I got it in a junk sale I think and painted it red to match my earth tones of my home in Port Jefferson and then Huntington. I was almost 30 and getting divorced from my first husband. I was a single mom with my daughter Anne split between our respective homes half the week. Our divorce was very bitter and cost me about $40K. Hard to believe even now what that kind of money could do for me now . 

But this board meant a lot because I saved the little momentos from our years together before I remarried . I referred to them as 'dark times' and they did seem dark then but someone reminded me this evening that they're not really dark, just different. They were ours and no one else's. We made the best of what we had and we have fond memories now. She and I did so many activities! Theatre, games, after school activities, horses, trips to beach and Maine; she still loves apples as much as she did then too. I loved her crafty butterflies and her photo from her preschool cubby. I'll never forget her napkins where she drew Turkeys for Thanksgiving. She was always the artist. 

I often talk about the program now as a coach serving as my beacon through rough times . When I was single I endured much hardship and I had to remember to keep a lot of it from her, or at least try to; I was hustling 3 jobs, and still finishing my doctoral degree. I just remember being very confused, tired, and often angry. But we had some of the most amazing times together. She was my beacon then and I'm glad I'm around to show her the best of me now. 

Tonight I shared my dream board of 2016 with her. She has faith in me she says. I am honored to have her as a daughter. Thank you for believing in me the way I once did in you. 

Value

There was a time in my 20s when I thought having a dozen friends was a sign you 'were' somebody. I can clearly remember putting up with friends for example who would rarely come to visit me, or always forget my birthday, or how about this: only come to me for guidance and stress reduction, but never offer a kind word, their ear, or shoulder when I needed it. And I kept making the effort to help them because I thought 'that' kind of giving and extending would translate to some value they would see in me, and from that, change. 

Oh no. 

That is so not how this game of life works. That is not the kind of giving and receiving we need to be a part of at all. 

I decided I would give value to those who expressed kindness and honesty (even if it hurt - that's ok), and gave back to me in whatever small way they could. I never measured that return. But those who belittled me, or violated my trust, or were unwilling to 'see', had to go. 

You get to a certain point where you just realize you have a right to 'be' and do not exist for the disposal of others. 

#mondaymatters

Don't stop dreaming !

Today I did a very fun activity using my phone as well as my hands - the tangible - the love that goes into making something is really important and key to making what you want happen. I created a dream board this evening with all the things I want to accomplish this year of 2016.  

Some of these images represent business goals as a entrepreneur & wellness coach and some pertain to just sheer joyful activities I will get from having accomplished those goals. I shared this with my inner circle of coaches - a group of bad-asses like I am, who set goals and do them! We make sure we know 'why' we are choosing them, how we feel doing them, and how we will execute. 

 

I actually had made a vision board last year when I had only been a coach for one month. I had little idea what I was getting into, but my own mentor said,  'make it'. Wouldn't you know it? All of the things put down came true. 

So here I am again and oh man! Do I have some big dreams this year! And I won't settle for the mediocre. 

I did that for too many years- being cautious , always going the middle road, not standing out too much. 

At 41, there are things I want to enjoy and I'm going to make sure my daily activities point with a huge arrow towards those. 

When was the last time you listened to your heart about what you want to enjoy? Do you even know or bother ? I bet you have stopped. Why? 

There is something so innate and healthy about dreaming. Children do it of course and often young adults. But somewhere along the line, we kill it. You know what disappears with dreaming ? Our creative juices. They are stirred when we dream . 

I ask you to take some time today to continue dreaming. Make a dream board with me . 

I would love to see it too. 

~Jedi 

Welcome to a New Year

I had stopped writing in my blog when I was over in Moscow this summer. I think just being abroad and all the pressures of  dealing with time zone change and a foreign system had me overwhelmed. I'm back though.  

Hopefully someone out there is happy to see the Jedi blogging again. I tell ya what... I'm gonna hold myself to it. 

So many people 'begin' the new year disgusted at what they didn't accomplish. If I could say one thing to you, I would share this:

Don't be like everyone else. Don't start another year today promising yourself something is going to be different. It will only be different IF you make it so. You. 

I stuck out one (1) solid year of 2015 on exercising and eating right. At times I'm asking myself 'How did I pull this off?' Because it was not a cake walk - no pun on those sugars, haha. 

It means so much more that I can look at the difference I see in me over one year. I hope that for you too. To be able to revel in this moment when you can say you stuck to something because YOU wanted it for yourself - not that someone forced it on you. 

I think the best laid plans come from when you want it just for no other reason than you decided to dream and came up with that very dream: to feel better about yourself. (Or whatever it may be)

Can you listen to yourself ? No frills, no fancy, no fuss and just shut up for once? What is your SELF trying to say to you? 

We are constantly ignoring 'us'. 

We say 'shut up'. 

We say 'you shouldn't be thinking that ... feeling that.'

Just shut up for once. Will ya? Listen, already! 

Choices

Was just thinking that every day we are faced with so many choices . And I never used to be one to give much thought to some of these . I guess because I was always running around like a chicken with its head off haha... Now that I have more time, I'm giving more attention to how I actually go about 'making' decisions - how my days unfold and what patterns I'm seeing. I was saying last night to my teammate Heather, that I've never done as much introspection as I do now as a Coach. And not to say I wasn't doing some before - I was a product of the Life Development Center, of course, and always had a love of spirituality and psychology, but something about being an entrepreneur and knowing I am either going to succeed or fail at my own hand, drives me more to want to be the best I can. When you work for someone else, there's perhaps a comfort cushion to rest on, assuming all things equal, that you can not self develop and your company or establishment will still welcome you back the next day with a pat. But in business, your resonance is unrestrained. It is just oozing off of you daily and it affects everything - from family, self to everyone you touch with your products so you get only daily shots to get it right  . make every investment count! 

Recovery from Bulimia and Anorexia

Feeling worthless for me was called Anorexia and Bulimia. I had both, in sick combo. I remember where I was when I took my last purge: in Canada, August, when I was 21. The shower was typically where I would like to do it, just another way of being alone. I watched half-digested food circle in the drain, and I knew that was it. 

I don't know why I didn't value myself. Growing up, I had several cherished friends, great parents, but I generally felt uncomfortable, and fearful. Being an abnormally tall girl with a speech impediment didn't exactly help self-esteem. You'll see what you 'want' to see, but that photo on the right is a very troubled young woman. Paper-doll arms with a big head. Even though I stopped bulimia, I continued to never enjoy food right up until my mid-30s. It was always something to be suspicious of, analyzed, dissected, or dominated. 

"Recovery" means you are always checking the demon in the shadows. It's sad that one of the first thoughts that went through my mind when my coach suggested "I" become a coach was "I didn't lose enough. They'll just say I was skinny before." 

Well, guess what? I've had dozens say that since! It doesn't phase me. I laugh off every ridiculous judgement made about me and other non-obese women I have helped learn to eat and be "strong". 

I coach everyone, but there is a special place in my heart for those who come to me with serious food addictions or histories. For them small victories are getting a shake down, swallowing a certain texture food, taking a selfie of their bodies, or getting through just ONE day without binging. 

I see you. You're the person thinking "they'll wonder why I want to become a member." No, I won't. Because that unhealthy, unfit, unworthy, unenjoyable woman is living FULL OUT on the left, and I won't be silent anymore. I am gonna stand tall beside you! #nomorefear #fullout #strongisthenewskinny #dontjudge