Choices

Was just thinking that every day we are faced with so many choices . And I never used to be one to give much thought to some of these . I guess because I was always running around like a chicken with its head off haha... Now that I have more time, I'm giving more attention to how I actually go about 'making' decisions - how my days unfold and what patterns I'm seeing. I was saying last night to my teammate Heather, that I've never done as much introspection as I do now as a Coach. And not to say I wasn't doing some before - I was a product of the Life Development Center, of course, and always had a love of spirituality and psychology, but something about being an entrepreneur and knowing I am either going to succeed or fail at my own hand, drives me more to want to be the best I can. When you work for someone else, there's perhaps a comfort cushion to rest on, assuming all things equal, that you can not self develop and your company or establishment will still welcome you back the next day with a pat. But in business, your resonance is unrestrained. It is just oozing off of you daily and it affects everything - from family, self to everyone you touch with your products so you get only daily shots to get it right  . make every investment count! 

Dump the shame now!

I'm not at all shocked by the amount of shame I see many of my clients attach to their lives. Everyone's worried about being judged. Misuse of food is just the tip of a deep iceberg. Coaches are the least judgmental. We've been there.  If you want to talk 'shame', you're gonna have to get in line:

I grew up a stutterer. This is a picture of my childhood friend Stephanie. I'll never forget watching her walk down the hall at school and wanting to call out to her, but I couldn't. I had to let her walk on. I cried because that day for whatever reason complex onsets just weren't happening. Next day it could be that 'n' wouldn't come, or perhaps 'b'. If it was a good day, I could order at a restaurant myself. Bad day? My parents had to order FOR me. How shameful is circumventing the word you want to say because you can't? Hating the telephone. Never trying out for theater. Only raising my hand in class 'if' it was a 'good syllable' day. All those thoughts unsaid. 

Then why on earth become a professor? An interpreter? Talk about 'on stage'!

After years of therapy, I decided no more hiding. I was not gonna let my mouth be my prison. 

So please: dump the shame now. Speak. For your SELF. No one else will. 

Jedi Chronicles Day 7-9

What does it mean to be courageous? 

There's nothing wrong with being a cautious individual.  There is a classic saying: "men plan and G-d laughs." My parents taught me that planning carefully is wise and in fact helps you be prepared for bumps in the road. The road blocks will always come. It's simply a matter of seeing that being blocked is only a temporary rest to let you reflect to build a better strategy out! 

I don't want people reading this to get the idea that caution, or lack thereof, has to be equated to being courageous. These are two separate qualities. I'm someone who drives cautiously. It takes me a long time typically to 'shift' gears in my life path. But when I do shift, I do it hard. You might ask 'what makes you do that?' Looking back I've taken action in this manner very similarly. When I smoked in my early 20s, I eventually  learned that it was illogical for someone with asthma to smoke. How can you take a inhaler shot before you take a drag? Well, that right there seemed illogical to me. I decided to leave smoking to my friends who didn't have asthma. They could smoke enough for the two of us. But I didn't sign up for a pill or a patch, I said 'I need to do it myself so I can say 'I' did it." I didn't want to be beholden to someone or something.  

When I struggled with bulimia in my 20s too, I remember vividly standing in the shower vomiting and something came over me. I said again 'this makes no sense' . 'Why am I standing here?' That was the last day I did it. I fought with tenacity. But it came from asking questions. Somehow it stems from accepting what is imminently wrong with the situation and staring at it just to see if it makes sense. Then the second aspect is knowing if 'I' can do it, I won't have to let someone else take control. Some professional out there I suppose could say that wanting that level of control could be negative too, but I'll argue that it's the lesser of the two evils. If I had not taken that moment to let the feeling wash over me completely and seen either the logic or illogicality of it, my inertia or comfort level would simply have kept me in the same state. 

So back to courage. 

Courage is a choice obviously. I don't believe it has to be inherent. I have seen friends build it, grow into it. It does not mean you are without fear. It's in fact the opposite. Courage is when you ARE afraid, but you push through regardless. . It means to show strength even during great pain or grief. You don't have to shed the fear. You can wear it without shame. We are all afraid. 

We are afraid of being judged. 

We are afraid of failing.

We are afraid of being rejected. 

We are afraid of having pain.

We are afraid of losing comfort. 

We are afraid of making a mistake. 

We are afraid of disappointing others. 

But if you examine more closely all of these above, they still come down to the same source: fear of pain (physical or psychological) 

In my own situation I was faced with pain. I'm still in pain now. I am afraid now. But I opted to take my fear with me on the journey. 

I buried my mother. I was faced with not having enough money to support keeping the roof over my family and basics in their lifestyle. I was faced with impending health issues and a feeling of despair and ugliness in my 'being'. I don't mean physical ugliness, but actual violence potential - violence of the body and mind. My own destructive natural force. Whether you shovel food down, or cigarettes, or money, or whatever your destruction of choice is, you still are running from the fear of pain. 

So when I say courage is not inherent, I mean that wholeheartedly. 

These days I am choosing a natural healthy pain to 'embrace' and focus on, something that fills me with purpose and clarity. 

When I shout out to others to come join me, I am asking you to evaluate the logic or illogicality of your current state. I'm asking you to take your pain and keep it, but move forward. I'm not interested in perfect beings. I want someone who can fail and show me how, so I perhaps won't go that same route. I want all the vulnerability. I want to embrace all your wrongdoings and for you to do the same for me. I'm asking for you to show me that fear, so I can show you mine. 

That is how courage works in this business of living.