Letting Go

This has been a week of 'firsts' for me. We all reminisce about our first attempts in life: our first time living away from home, first time Dad or Mom let go of the bike, our first touch or kiss, our first child, our first day at work. 

Yesterday I announced when my "last day" at work would be. As I write this sentence, it's difficult to express the bundled knot of emotions this is. I am on the cusp of 10 years with them. They have been a strong, tenacious thread throughout many other upheavals in my life. They are composed of admirable, dedicated professionals, who are like family to me. They have a noble mission and everything from craft to product displays that commitment. 

So why am I leaving the mission? Because I have one that is greater calling me. My children will never be able to accuse me of slacking off. Ironically it's quite the opposite. Some of them may find fault with how 'driven' I was professionally. They'll understand that it came from my parents who had strong work ethic. My dad was always hustling, holding side work even with a full time job. I was taught to look out for those who can't themselves. My father was an activist; he led a cause to protect citizens from nuclear fall out. He believed that injustice was something you fought against. His mitzvahs were many. So I hope my older children will accept that I bore the weight when others couldn't. 

Now the universe opened up to me, perhaps a gratitude gesture for my sore shoulders. I was given a chance to be with my children. Not just 7-8am, and 6-9pm, but all day long if I so choose. I choose my family. We only get so many chances. 

My friend Dr Flo Rosof, Director of the Life Development Center of Huntington, NY, of which I'm a product, says 'The only way out is through.' This week was the hardest to push through because it meant saying goodbye to one life, and opening up to another. But isn't courage being afraid, yet pushing through regardless. 

This week was a first of many:

I received the best bill of health I have ever gotten. My blood pressure was at a record low for me. I had made a new friend in fitness, a family man who is passionate about his health and others, and he joined my team. I embarked on a new fitness program, and I'm laughing and having fun in the mornings. I am feeling proud and grateful to my loving husband who was courageous in his own way. He braved a new country and a foreign language, and the Atlantic Ocean to commit to me. And now I will take care of our children better for him. I helped a record number of men and women this month of February. I had my first Deaf challenger in my monthly free health group! It was my first time writing 'self employed' on a form. 

Dad has let go of the bike and I am flying on my own now. 

~Jedi